Moving on

                                   

Some dreams stay with you forever

 They drag you around and bring you back the exact spot where you left them

                                                    

                                                   And you can never really Move on 

Lesson learnt

A man dies a little when he denies to own what he did

For some reason I died completely, waiting for the man to own what he did.
Just once if he had known what it means to stand alone, defending what was!

Dark is Beautiful! Really?

With each day we learn a new thing. And sometimes in life there is point when you realize the hard fact which just hits you in a big way.

When a child is born in my country(At-least) the first expectation of people around including your parents is to that it should be a son. If it turns out to be a girl, then she needs to be fair. 

I didn't meet both the expectations when I was born. I hear my relatives say how some old relative came out of hospital room saying "oru kari polle undo", which means "looks like a coal"

"Who will marry her?" was a question which popped up all through my life from everyone around. Some in front of me, some behind my back. 

I did not know how to tackle that. A foolish child that I was, I did try the trust non-working "Fair and Lovely".I did do my research to find what color will suit and what color will not. What prints will make me look less dark and which hairstyle will really enhance my dark features.

After a point I read what books says, how ideally it should be, what a sh*t thing all this is and that young age decided to focus on more practical thing. I decided to BE SOMEONE on my own.

So I did study,  I did earn a degree, I did get the dream IT job which was market demand and I did over years earn more than what most men around earn. Yes but - I didn't forget to enjoy life with my friends. Apparently my dark color didn't matter when I gave interviews, went abroad, met clients, and when I was spending best times with my friends. I did get my fair share of attention from men who thought I was perfect for them. I did enjoy those sweet proposals from men, even though I had to reject most of them. 

Years later, many hardships later, many jobs later, many promotions later, many hikes later , many awards later - So I thought , I had changed it all.  

The new Phase of Society had arrived - Social media posting on banning Fairness products, "Dark is beautiful"campaign. Now achievement matters, personality matters, compatibility matters skin color doesn't.  

Oh - This was till yesterday. Yesterday I was hit with the hard truth. 

Irrespective - I was/am and will never be the Ideal/Suitable/perfect choice by any mother for her son. 

Even if I got all the brains and money to build a time machine, and I could change everything that was grey phase in my life, there is one thing which I could not change - MY SKIN COLOR

So I thought , I had changed it all.  

When you still work for Indian MNC

On 1st of the month , conversation in Office 

Girl : Sir,Dubsmash video banati hu. Aap bollywood ka apna favorite dialogue bata do.

Sir : After seeing the salary credited ,  I quote , Famous Prem Chopra dialogue -  "NANGA NAHAEGA KYA, NICHODEGA KYA?"

Harsh reality

I lost her today. My best friend. A friend I have not met in years. But she is still the first name which comes when I think about the genuine ones I ever made.

I always thought death of a loved one, means crying. Today I do not know if crying is what will ease out the pain the news brought in me.

I am running here and there, calling old friends, then not speaking cause I dnt know what else to say. If age got in maturity, I am still immature. I still dnt know how to handle a news like this.

Usually a "God bless her soul" "RIP" were the standard ones. But this was Bhaagi, my very own Bhaagi. If it was someone else, I would know whom to call and whom all to inform. But it is you. What do I do?  

Out of all the talks I do, today I have nothing to say to anyone, except that she is gone. 

The news : still not sinking in.

Not knowing what to do, I just write. Keep writing. Cause I cant tell you now , so I write. Are you reading this Bhaagi? Please do. I love you- like i did the first time I told you.

That phase of life:

When the world thought we were Besties, even after we argued and fought in front of them.

Making the miserable college life , memorable - life long memorable.

I cant imagine anyone else replacing you.

All our stories,  life ka understanding, life ki planning, everything will haunt me. 

How will we ever be same again? When will me n Dillu sit and plan to dance for you. When will yogi me and you be together and gossip about things?

When will any get-together make sense anymore. You left us.

Something inside me is gone.

We all are lost, we are broken. 

I wish there was another day with you, just one more day. 

The CRASH

How one behaves in a crisis, says a lot about the person. So, if you wanna analyze each of us....Spend 10 minutes of your time reading this.

The astounding incident happened on the way back from our memorable COORG trip. So, we are on our way back in the rented Scorpio from Zoom cars.

The Incident :

Simon hits a car in front of us. 
A 10 second frozen moment followed by each one looking at each other with mouths open.
The victim family comes out, and the guys go out to discuss with them. 
They discuss and pay 3000 and come back.
Every one is in shock and we drive ahead.


As simple as the incident sounds this 20 mins incident still gives goosebumps. 
An hour or two before this incident occurred the flashback has these incidents includes -

On our way back from the three day trip.  The money calculations are done by Prabin on his "PHONE" calculator. (He shows off all his shit phones as if they are iPHONEs)

Simon is behind the wheels.

Prabin frowns on every speed breaker/hump hit by Simon. (Thats his usual behavior - he hates my driving too)
Achu is sleepy. 
Bharath in his own world. 
Kiran is in trance state, playing old Hindi songs and forcing us to listen to them.
I am shouting - "Next" for every Song played by Kiran.

As for driving, there are two people supposed to ensure safety.
Simon who is driving. Kiran who is guiding.

And then when we almost were heading the end of the trip, and everyone half awake and analyzing the pics of the previous days - the incident happened.

A slow version of this 10 mins episode goes like this :


I start the "Observation" as soon as Simon ramps the car ahead.

Simon does a slow face palm, followed by a Oh Shit. His palm took 1 minute 13 seconds to reach his face.

Sadistic though, Prabin is happy inside. He looks at me and his eyes speak the following words " I Knew this guy will screw it up"

I could hear Archana shouting "Oh My God"

Bharath had no reaction and looked around as if to ask "Why did you stop the vehicle?"

But the funniest of all was Kiran.
After the loud hit, 1 second silence, Kiran slowly paused the songs played, removed the cable slowly from the car stereo plugin, wrapped the cable, locked the mobile and then Shouted angrily "SIMON !!!!"

And me? I was observing them all!

When the guys came back after paying the money , they expected sympathy. 
But, bitches that we are, we made fun of them. The trip got even more exciting after that.

Recalculation of trip expenses, comparing Kirans orange jacket to a truck cover, hollyshit and Bullshit...the one hour laughable riot from Mysore to Bangalore. 


Btw, Prabin...You are missed big time!! 

P.S: Zoom cars did not charge us anything extra for this. 5 stars and special mention to them!

The unexplainable love

Sometimes "OK Bhaagi", Sometimes "Get Lost Bhaagi" 
Sometimes "Savi your mom is so beautiful, are you her daughter?" and then Sometimes "Savi - itne saare deewane hai tere"

Some weekends "Ab do din shanti milegi savi se" and then call on weekend and say "Chal weekend milte hai"

The love hate relation between you and me , no third person can understand.  Its the Bond we share and fight day long, but when alone just hug and say LOVE YOU.

We have been through so much, from sharing food, sharing our bench, sharing that mess ka shit, to distributing guys among u and me. (Kuli included)

And the best one - Keeping a track of the number of guys who hit on u and me. U know right ur number is higher.
:-p (2436237846785 to be precise)

Those days when coming to your house just to have the filter coffee, or you taking me to MACD and bitching about Cyrus Sahukara. 
Oops! Infact lying down on the floor and bitching about everyone.

Our late night Pictionary games, the cheating and all. You recall how we planned for a trip and wanted a day off. Your mom faked to me my mom and ended up scolding my manager.


Every time I forced you to dance and you came and did ONE boring step. Then we had to force you go and sit, bored of doing that classic rolling your hands- step.

I have all those small bits of papers where , you keep drawing things around and then writ the small three words, I love u.

That Second year Vday, when I got all roses and came to hostel pissed. Everyone was asking stories and u just said, "Savi Enjoy all the attention"

Our stupid logic of studying outside under the tree to get fresh air and concentration. All u did was study, and all i did was climbing the tree and trying to adjust the position.

You are and always be the first person I think of when Engg memories hit me. All my pranks had you in my mind , whether you are with me in it or you are the target.
I have no idea how time became  a space between us. 

Its been so long that I saw you. And then I met you yesterday. I wish we could still do the pillow fight. Wish I could hear you blasting "Saali , aa gayi" and start hitting me.

I Love you beyond words. Waiting for you to come and scold me for something. Get well soon baby!